My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
