apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
