I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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