So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
