Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize