She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize