I got chris browned last night
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
