Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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