didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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