He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sext me about skeletons
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
