Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
