you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
