what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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