I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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