Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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