I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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