Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
