Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this boner is exhausting
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
