She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize