I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
