Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
