there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
