the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
