you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
