Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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