Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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