I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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