Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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