I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
