you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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