omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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