I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
