Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
