Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
