I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
