update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i love accidental penises.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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