Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
