Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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