is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
