not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
