The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
