he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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