So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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