Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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