Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
