Duck Duck Cougar?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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