Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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