girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
