The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
