i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
