watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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