youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I had to cum in my sink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
