DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
