I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
pop tarts are not kleenex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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