I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
