please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
