the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
