My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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