Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
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threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
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NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize