Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
