I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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