I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She told me I should be a condom model.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
